Letting go of the struggle.

How long have you struggled to accomplish the goal you've chosen to focus on? What have your plans looked like in the past? Have you been excited or totally drained while you were executing your plans? What would it look like if you took steps that made you feel like you were building momentum instead of hardly chipping away at your goal? How could you change the way you LOOK at your goal so it felt more manageable? Could you focus on what you are going to eat and what you are going to do for exercise today instead of for the next month? Could you focus on how you are going to lose your next five pounds instead of losing 100? Could you focus on one drawer in your office as opposed to the whole entire office? Could you focus on one page of your book as opposed to a chapter? What are some ways you could let go of those feelings of struggle today?

 

I have been struggling with *living my life for me* for all of my memory. I talked about this a lot in my last blog. To be honest, I've been really terrible about working towards my goal during this challenge. :( I am terrified of this task of finding myself...I feel like I've been trying to find myself for my whole life. I know as cliche as it sounds, I really think life is about creating yourself. I wasn't raised Pagan, but I am. I wasn't raised a vegetarian, but I chose that life path. I was raised in an urban setting, but chose to move to the middle of nowhere.  I was raised in a messy house, but choose to *attempt* to keep a clean house. I was raised by pack rats but choose to continually get rid of unnecessary items. I wasn't raised a traveler, I became a traveler.  I forget to give myself credit for all the things I've already accomplished in my life, especially the things I have done for myself and had no role model for. 

This summer has been really hard on me. My husband broke his hand at his bachelor party in May and it's still not healed correctly. Because of his injury, we really haven't been able to do many things that I've wanted to do. I feel like another summer has passed me by and I haven't had many adventures. I wanted to do so many activities this summer, like tubing, kayaking, hiking/camping, road trips...but it all just passed away. I feel a lot of resentment towards him for this. He was drunk and punched one of those punching bag things and missed the bag...IT was completely his fault, it was a stupid drunken moment...but he's honestly had a lot of those. I feel so angry at him for not considering how his actions affect my life. But he already feels so bad and depressed about it that I just feel like I don't want to weigh him down with my disappointment also.

But, I guess that means I can use my creativity in order to come up with things we CAN do. I usually think that I have to give 110% right away to get something done, but then get so burned out by it that I just stop. I am going to try to find one adventure/thing I can do for myself each day. It doesn't have to be big, but I have to acknowledge it and cherish it. Awareness is everything.

Anywho, I hope to catch up on the prompts because Saturdays are my days for epiphanies :)