End of challenge review

Ok, so I didn't get as much done as I had hoped during the challenge, but that's also because I am also really trying to work on creating some sort of balance in my life. Here is a general before and after of the room.

Since the beginning of the challenge, I have gotten rid of 4 boxes of stuff, taken 4 laundry baskets of items to a consignment shop/gave the items away to friends, gotten a pile of books ready to get rid of, donated 3 old blankets to the humane society, and started thinking about how I want to have the room set up.

I still have a lot of work to do on the room but I know I have gotten so much accomplished already! Snaps to me! 

Today I am going to try to have as much of a "me day" as possible since I haven't done this for a while. I also have a very busy week ahead of me at work and also with my new photography business, so I really need to take some time just to take care of me. I will get back at it sometime this week!

Special thanks to my husband for tidying the house last night! I feel sooooooooooooo happy that I can spend today doing things for me! :)

New motto

So, I was lucky enough to come across a really great post from Gabby Bernstein this morning that said:

"Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light."

This, my friends, is going to be my new motto. Why am I always depressed when I have such a beautiful life, the most amazing husband in the world, and all the things I need? I should be brimming with thankfulness. I know we're not supposed to be shoulding, but I think this is a positive should. I know exactly what is holding me back from happiness and it's comparison. I am CONSTANTLY comparing myself to other people and their lives. The worst thing is, I compare myself to women who are part of my husband's past, 2 girls in particular. My husband and I have had conversations about the fact that I am comparing myself to these girls, and obviously he thinks (well, I also think) it's absurd to be jealous of them. But I am always facebook creeping on these girls and part of me wants something they have: they have amazing families, they take care of themselves and pamper themselves, have great style, are always so pretty, etc.I have gained 20 pounds, making me the heaviest I have ever been. This has been so bad on my self esteem, but I just seem so overwhelmed by the thought of losing the weight. Before my wedding, I had a goal to weight like 140 for my wedding. I was 161 at the time. I spent 4 months working my ass off in the gym and nothing was happening...I made working out my whole life and there was no change. So I just quit caring and gained 10 pounds before my wedding. I am currently at 176 and I constantly feel like a whale. These 2 girls I constantly feel jealous of have both lost weight and look amazing, but I just feel so hopeless.

I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and just do it already, but I am my own worst enemy. But it has to stop. My depression is hugely affecting my marriage and I certainly do NOT want my marriage to end...ever. So, I am in dire need of a life makeover. I want to live light, not only in possessions but in emotion. I want to spread the light through living light and I want to light the way for others...but first, I have to change myself.

I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS.

Just a little bit

So, I am going to write a very quick blog post tonight!

I haven't done a whole lot in my room. I recently went through my books and created a stack that I want to take to a place that buys books...However, the book place is only open while I'm at work...

Part of my problem with getting rid of clutter in this room is that it requires so much ACTION. Most of it is not just a toss kind of deal...everything section has a huge task that needs to be done...

Tonight I've been working a lot on my photography business and then doing general cleaning...I wanted to get a part of my room done, so I decided I would print pictures to put in my frames that have been sitting on my desk. However,that requires me editing some photos the photographer deemed uworthy (but I LOVE!) and thus turns into a fiasco.

I feel like this is an excuse, but I know that these things do take time...I've been accumulating shit in this room for a year and it's not going to take only 15 days to go through and take action on everything. I have decided to continue the Vitality Challenge De-clutter edition on my own once the official challenge ends. I have to be easy on myself since I am attempting to build a habit.

Things that need to be done in my room:

1) I need to create storage for all of my photography stuff. This includes props, my camera and equipment, etc.
2) Clean out my closet/shelf above closet and come up with a better storage system!
3) Create a painting area.
4) Hang inspirational photos.
5) Get all irrelevant items out: ie-home improvement supplies.
6) Set up a new altar/meditation area.

I tried to break them down into manageable tasks so that I am less overwhelmed by the task and can perhaps finish 1 thing per night I work on it. I don't want to work on my room every night so that I can hang out with people and not be a hermit.

Ok, another thing I'd like to ask everyone about is.....SHOULD I KEEP OR SELL MY WEDDING DRESS??? Before the wedding, I was all like "OMG I can NEVER sell my wedding dress! I want to display it in a display box" yada yada. But now, I'm like oh god, where am I going to put this?!?! Right now, it's hanging off of my dresser......CLUTTER.

We are also planning on going to Italy to do a vow renewal in a couple years and I get a whole new dress for that...so I can't very well justify keeping this one if I get a whole new one!! Ya know what I mean?!

Anywho...that's all my ramblings for now... :)

Tears and realizations

Ok, so last night my husband and I had a fight. While this is becoming less common lately, the fights are more intense because a) they are the same fights over and over because I'm just not changing and b) because he's getting really tired of me not changing.

I was just reading Sarah Jenks newest blog post on her site and just started bawling over a realization. Sarah Jenks tells a story about being at an antique fair and her and her mother find items they love but those items are too expensive, so they don't buy them. That night at dinner, they find that the father snuck away and bought the items for his wife and daughter. She says "I was particularly touched by my Dad’s thoughtfulness because I was at a time in my life when I didn’t fully understand the concept of “doing things just because it makes you or someone else happy”."

I truly have the most amazing husband in the world because his entire life is based on making me happy. Yet I return the favor by never knowing what makes me happy or just being unhappy. We have a wonderful life. We own an acreage in the quiet countryside, we have more than enough money to get by, we have each other. But somehow, I am stuck on the hamster wheel of happiness. I am always searching for more. Some days, I think that I just can't be happy here (in good ole Iowa) because my soul longs for something different...the people here aren't accepting, they are ignorant, I want to live in a forest, etc. Why can't I just be happy with all the wonderful things I have? I have a husband who would give me the moon and for some reason, I still end up treating him like shit.

I really have to change but I honestly have no idea how.

Playing is important work.

Ok so it's been a few days since my last post and also since my last time working on my room. My husband works out of town and came home a night early, so I've been having a lot of fun with him.

First of all, I had to work late on Thursday night as I was presenting an idea to the Board of Directors at the nonprofit I work for. Then my hubby called and said that I should wait in town because he wanted to take me on a date. He actually asked if he could take me on a date, which was very cute and he got some brownie points for that. We went and at a Tex-Mex fast food place we'd never eaten at, even though I used to live right across the street. Then we went to see R.I.P.D, which had a terrible story line but was extremely funny.

Friday we had to go out of town to a doctor's appointment, but after that had so much fun. We went out to eat at this cute little place called Clinton Street Social Club. It's a restaurant/bar that is fashioned after a 1930s speakeasy and was BEAUTIFUL. It had exposed brick and beams, vintage industrial lighting, and they were playing 30s music. I was in BLISS.

Then, we went to a place called Planet X Fun Center, which is like Chuck E Cheese but way better. There's all the arcade games, but then they also have goofy golf, bumper cars, and laser tag. We grabbed a beer and did goofy golfing and games, then bumper cars, then laser tag. I'd never done laser tag before and it was so FUN! Then we topped it off with locally made ice cream.

I don't normally allow myself to have fun. I really don't even know HOW to have fun. I have been a perfectionist for so long that I have told myself it's not productive to have fun. My husband is TOTALLY a fun-haver, so our relationship has been interesting in this aspect. Slowly but surely, he has been helping me learn how to enjoy life and live it one moment at a time.

SO even though I haven't gotten a lot done in my house, my soul feels so blissful and light.

Today, I did some standard issue house work and also got rid of 2 boxes out of my room. I have been holding on to old college papers and books that serve me no purpose-it will all be recycled tomorrow!

OH as for my victory the other night. I mentioned in my last blog that I was hesitant about getting rid of a few items at Stuff (consignment store, if you don't know what that is) because I was afraid I wouldn't get enough money from it there. But then I remembered that the Universe would reward me for my efforts. Well, I gathered up 2 laundry baskets of things and then gave away a bunch of items to my friends first. I took the rest to Stuff and just did a quick look around and then found the CUTEST SWEATER! It was priced at 7.99, it was a deep gray with white stripes cardi from Forever 21. I was like THANK YOU UNIVERSE! because I rarely find clothes I like there. So I took it to the register and figured, I'll see if I have any money in my Stuff account. AND I DID...$11! (not much, but still...). Then she even gave it to me for cheaper than the ticket price! I was so happy. I LOVE when the Universe rewards me quickly because I know it's trying to say, ok La Rae, come on, I'm here and I'm with you on this 100%!

So anyways, I will post pictures on my next blog post. :)

Goodnight!

Vitality Challenge Day 2 successes

OK, so again today I only tackled one area, especially since I'm going to see some friends and don't have a lot of time. I decided that today I would simply put all the clothes away that were laying around in my room. 

Here is the pile of clothes that needed to be taken care of...Below it is after! yay me!

Then I decided to get rid of clothes in my closet and have gathered lots of item to take to stuff tomorrow.

I had some apprehensions taking certain things to Stuff, but then I decided that because I had apprehensions, I totally just had to get rid of it. I was trying to hold onto things for no reason. My husband HATES these tribal themed pillows and rug. I loved it at first, now I'm over them. I was worried I wouldn't get enough money back for them, which was my original reason for trying not to get rid of them, but then I decided that the Universe would certainly reward my efforts and I shouldn't worry.

So now I get to worry about folding and putting away all these clothes when I get home from my friends. I figure it will be more fun after a bottle of wine, right?

Hope everyone else's day was productive!

Even a little progress is still progress :)

So even though my husband left me a few important things for me to do, I still took time to do some cleaning! Since I feel really overwhelmed, I decided to just start with one portion of the room-I chose to focus on the top of my dresser. This was COVERED in clothes I didn't feel like putting away, random shit, clothes tags (does anyone else have issues throwing these away??), and receipts. Here is the before-

                                                                 And here is the after!!

Sometimes when I think I have to get a project done all at once, I am paralyzed with overwhelm. In order to show myself I can do things a little at a time, I decided to stop with this small success. I am attempting to create a HABIT of not having clutter, and if I get stressed over the process, the habit will never form.

So, here are pictures of the rest of the room that I will continue to tackle over the next 14 days:

Don't mind my bra.

Um wow. This is embarrassing! ;)

My library/jewelry shelf....a mess

My "desk" over run with shit

So there you have it folks! You are now completely in the know about my dirty little secret in my room.

Good job to everyone today!

Vitality Challenge post #1

This is a photo of the room that is my "meditation room." Not very calming, is it?! When we bought the house, I had decided that I wasn't going to have an office, I was going to have a "self space." This space would serve all my spiritual needs. It would be a room I could paint in, relax in, read, meditate, do magickal work, etc. 

We bought our house a little under a year ago, and this is what is still looks like-a room to dump all the crap we don't want to deal with yet!

My ultimate goal for this challenge is to finally get this room (and my emotions) into order. Throughout this first year, I have felt that there are other things more important to get done than to finish my room. I've painting each room at least twice and we've redecorated countless times, but I have not really touched this room. (Same with my emotions.)

Last week, I did get rid of quite a few items that were sitting in this room, but I am bound and determined to get it all in order!!!