Ok, so last night my husband and I had a fight. While this is becoming less common lately, the fights are more intense because a) they are the same fights over and over because I'm just not changing and b) because he's getting really tired of me not changing.
I was just reading Sarah Jenks newest blog post on her site and just started bawling over a realization. Sarah Jenks tells a story about being at an antique fair and her and her mother find items they love but those items are too expensive, so they don't buy them. That night at dinner, they find that the father snuck away and bought the items for his wife and daughter. She says "I was particularly touched by my Dad’s thoughtfulness because I was at a time in my life when I didn’t fully understand the concept of “doing things just because it makes you or someone else happy”."
I truly have the most amazing husband in the world because his entire life is based on making me happy. Yet I return the favor by never knowing what makes me happy or just being unhappy. We have a wonderful life. We own an acreage in the quiet countryside, we have more than enough money to get by, we have each other. But somehow, I am stuck on the hamster wheel of happiness. I am always searching for more. Some days, I think that I just can't be happy here (in good ole Iowa) because my soul longs for something different...the people here aren't accepting, they are ignorant, I want to live in a forest, etc. Why can't I just be happy with all the wonderful things I have? I have a husband who would give me the moon and for some reason, I still end up treating him like shit.
I really have to change but I honestly have no idea how.
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